Come Swim

Last night I saw Kristen Stewart’s film Come Swim at Sundance Film Festival’s short film tour. I love films. I would rather go to the movies on a Friday night than do anything else. Films like The Big Sick, Drive, Girl Interrupted, Her, Like Crazy, Amelie, Mean Girls (an actual classic and if you don’t agree, we can’t be friends), Silver Linings Playbook, Melancholia, and the list goes on. But I don’t keep up with the film industry. Mostly because I went to USC and the film nerds from that school have shrines to Christopher Nolan and Martin Scorsese in their bedrooms and follow Rotten Tomatoes like it’s God’s word. I’m not saying those aren’t two great directors and that Rotten Tomatoes isn’t a reliable source–but most of those students just don’t question movies that are made by the elite of the industry simply because they are made by the elite. My motto is to question everything. It feels a little unsolicited to voice my opinions on films considering I didn’t study film. I’m not trying to get a bunch of film majors’ panties in a bunch and open up my Tumblr to a slew of anon hate–which is why I don’t talk extensively about my love of this art.

Anyway, I digress. When asked about her film, Kristen said “I wanted to externalize a literally internal thought process” and that’s simply beautiful. Putting your internal dialogue on display for everyone to see and criticize is incredibly courageous. Using film as a way of displaying the human condition–her human condition–resonated with me more than any written piece could have.  I didn’t have an opinion on Kristen Stewart before but now I’m a fan.

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(Il Pastaio)
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(Cecconi’s)
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Prince of Wales print jacket-Bershka, similar here (expensive), and here (affordable) 
red heels-Zara, similar here (affordable), and here (cheap)
snakeskin boots-River Island
tube top-asos
denim shorts-asos, similar here (affordable), and here (afforable)
bag-Balenciaga

Internal Chemistry & Time

This week I’ve been thinking a lot about internal chemistry and time. I try to start and end my days at the same time e.g. in bed by 12 am and up by 8 or 9—even on the weekends. From the ages of 18-21 this was not the case. I was always up until 3 or 4 am on the weekends, 1 am on the weekdays, but somehow always up for class by 7 or 8 am. I had no idea how much happier and efficient I could be if I changed some of my habits.

I mentioned on one of my Instagram stories that I don’t go out anymore. I made an exception this weekend for a birthday and a friend that was in town from NYC. Since I don’t drink, I gravitate towards coffee and Diet Coke (poison, I know, but let me just have this one) to get energy to stay out and socialize. Even though I got home by a reasonable hour, I couldn’t fall asleep until 3-4 am. My body chemistry was thrown completely out of order and it truly took a toll on my productivity. This made me realize—people do this every weekend. How much more productive could we be as people, friends and citizens if we used moderation? How much happier could we be? Surely less irritable.

I was pissed about my lack of productivity over these few days which made me weep over spilled milk: lost time. This week I’m focusing on setting a new intention every day. We have no control over what happened yesterday or what will happen tomorrow. Why do we get annoyed at ourselves about the choices we made yesterday? Time isn’t cyclical—yesterday is gone. Perhaps to make the mistake more salient in our memory in order to avoid repeating it. But this turns into shame and anger for me. From the moment you wake up everyday until the moment you fall asleep is all on you. Our actions should align with our values—values of making sure we finish our to do lists, lose a few pounds, etc. Each step you take is a choice. I came across this quote that resonated with me:

“Don’t think about what can happen in a month. Don’t think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of your and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be.”

Be mindful of your actions and ask yourself, “will this take me in the direction I want to go?”