(photographer Chris Poplawski cpoplawski.com)
As I’ve graduated from dating in college to dating in the real world, I’ve come in contact with a harsh truth. We’re all selfish assholes. I literally blocked a guy’s number the other day because I wanted to go to Pop Physique more than I wanted to see him—and he just couldn’t take the hint. I enjoy my solitude; I’m comfortable in it. Giving up my personal time to go on an awkward first or second date is not my idea of a fun night. But how long can we keep this up until we desperately crave a close relationship only to find that we’re left with our mother and aged dog? Sorry mom. I see countless, single 30-something year olds out in LA looking as “happy” as can be. Is it an act or are they actually content with this attachment free lifestyle? (These aren’t rhetorical questions–I really want to know. Email me at email@example.com).
For the longest time, I used the fact that I’m moving to New York City to push away any serious commitments. Whenever the topic of graduation and the future would come up with a guy, I’d slip in a comment about the move. This worked well until it didn’t and I actually pushed away someone I really liked. That experience—me playing the “cool girl” and it backfiring—made me realize that I want a relationship. I pushed away the idea of settling down and having kids but in reality, I was afraid of the vulnerability attached to it. I have been terrified to say, “This is who I am, the good and the bad; will you accept it?”
We play this game of being uninterested until the point of apathy. We have lost the ability to care deeply, to be vulnerable. What’s so scary about someone not wanting you as long as you want you? At the moment, I’m not 100% comfortable with myself and I’m not looking to settle down with someone because of this. I’m in this transition stage of not knowing what direction I want my life to go in. This doesn’t mean I’m avoiding relationships because I’m uncertain about my future—I’m just waiting to invest my time and energy until it’s right. Life shouldn’t be wasted on half assed relationships. I know I’m going to look back at this time in my life and reminisce about the late nights out with friends, all of the uncertainty that comes with being in your 20s and living in a big city with minimal commitments. I’ll hold onto it while I can.
Coachella was a shit show. The festival is filled with so many different types of people that the vibe is off. Imagine standing next to a racist, a gay man, a homophobe and a person whose first language was not English. Everyone is full of disdain for each other. The Desert Sun came out with an article talking about the racism at Coachella. And don’t even get me started on the amount of Native American headdresses that I saw…
All of this is in contrast with festivals such as Outside Lands and Lollapalooza where the love and positive energy is palpable. I yelled at a group of men for talking (about drugs) throughout the (incredible) Sia performance. That didn’t even work. Two other women had to yell at them as well and then they finally left. It seemed as if everyone was just trying to do drugs and dance like crazy instead of having a meaningful experience. The VIP section was even worse. Those people were just there for the photos–they didn’t enter the crowds with their heels and Chloe cross-body purses (trying to imagine these chicks pushing through to get to the front for a set makes me lol). I would only return to Coachella for networking purposes if I work in the fashion industry. This isn’t a festival to attend for good vibes and positivity.
I still had a relatively good amount of fun though…seeing Alessandra Ambrosio, Karlie Kloss, Emily Ratajkowski, Vanessa Hudgens and Austin Butler in person was really cool. Models are way skinnier in person, BTW–even the “healthy” Victoria’s Secret models. Oh so bony and frail. I feel like if I sat on Alessandra’s legs, I’d snap ’em like twigs.
“I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit.”
I’ve done some extensive spring cleaning and we’re only a week into the season. Now I don’t mean actual cleaning (I basically live out of suitcases…I have too many clothes…but that’s another story for a different day). I mean spiritual cleaning. I’m at that age where the people in my life right now are probably going to be in my life forever. That means there is no time to waste on relationships and friendships that aren’t fulfilling or don’t meet your expectations. I’m ready to grow up. I haven’t once gone to a party and said, “Wow, I’m so glad I went to that. I really gained a lot.” It’s taken me a while, but after finally dropping out of my sorority and having a huge music festival/show phase, I’m tired. I would rather spend quality time with close friends–without alcohol involved.
These few weeks before graduation are filled with break ups and engagements. Most of my friends are graduating this year but I have another year left (I changed my major too many times). If you follow me on Twitter, you know that I hate college. But this extra time has me feeling grateful because I have no idea what I’m going to do after college. All I know is that I’m buying a one way plane ticket from LAX to JFK and winging it. The possibilities are endless–I could work for a while then head to graduate school or simply start my own business (a dream of mine). I’m no where near ready to settle down with someone–I want to experience so much more before that. I’m in love with my independence. Can I change my Facebook relationship status to “In a Relationship with myself?”
(photographer: Chris Poplawski http://www.cpoplawski.com)
So many punk vibes for A/W ’16: Saint Laurent, Alexander Wang and Fenty x Puma. I’m having flashbacks to 90s grunge houndstooth and fishnet looks. I love it but I especially want to focus on “good” meets “bad” this year–baby pinks, blues, and lace mixed with edgier pieces and makeup like Son Jung Wan and Rodarte did this season.
Fashion week was quite an experience. The weather app on my phone stated that it “feels like -8 F” on one of the days and I have literally never been so cold in my life. If I were to move to NYC, I’d have to invest in some fashionable, heavy coats. My coats felt paper thin–every step outside was painful. The weather put me in a foul mood the whole time. I tried not to show it, but I was majorly grumpy. I think that may be why New Yorkers aren’t so nice. There’s constant traffic and annoying tourists on top of miserable weather. I still love the city, but it’s so incredibly different from LA. Every person I met could actually tell I was from LA. I wonder what gave it away…
(photo by Nick Urteaga @coastal_flicks )
scarf-asos (inspired by Shrimps Clothing)
(Life of Pablo sweatshirt)
Day 1 wowowow the energy and thrill of it all makes the 24 F degree weather somewhat okay. (Well, maybe not okay, but tolerable.) My sister and I headed to Jay Godfrey bright and early (7:45 am PST, the jet lag is real). I feel like there’s so many pieces I should have brought that I didn’t and things that I did bring I don’t want to use, etc. But I feel like that’s the life of a fashion blogger–never satisfied. It’s going to be so convenient attending fashion week when I live here because then I don’t have to plan every little detail ahead of time and travel with two suitcases (yes, two). I went for a 70s look with flare jeans, a fur coat, gold hoop earrings that match my gold ring sunglasses, and some daisy boots that I made.
I literally finished painting these Margiela inspired shoes the night before I left for fashion week. I bought some “leather paint” that I found on Amazon and some cheap synthetic brushes. The whole thing cost less than $60 (and took less than two hours) since I bought the shoes on sale from asos. I didn’t want to invest too much into a DIY because I feel like they never go as intended but this one went surprisingly well! I think the sloppiness of the flowers makes sense. I wish the paint had been a bit more opaque–I went over the flowers 2-3 times. I got so many compliments and a few people mistook them for the real deal which wasn’t exactly my intention.
Before we headed to the Desigual runway show, my sister and I got some french braids done at Dry Bar. They only charged about $10 and did a much better job than we could’ve done ourselves. I feel like it elevated my look and made it a little less predictable.
Desigual has some very detailed pieces; the patterns are vibrant and enticing but the styling isn’t always my favorite. The patterns tend to clash but I can appreciate the aesthetic. Fashion is what you want it to be. There is no right or wrong.
YEEZY SEASON 3. This was one of the best events of my life. The positive energy in the room was palpable. Kanye was calm and collected for the most part–I did see him yell at a couple employees mid-show when nothing had gone visibly wrong (maybe they didn’t switch the lights quick enough?) The music was incredible, I had goosebumps. I don’t totally understand the album title…I honestly feel like he just picked a title from one of his fans’ tweets. Is it The Life of Pablo Escobar or Picasso? We may never know. The whole Kardashian clan was there, @WeWoreWhat, Lamar Odom, 2 Chainz, etc. The Kardashians were dressed in white, diamonds and fur. I feel like this was done on purpose to contrast with what everyone else would be wearing–camel, khaki and black tones (typical Yeezy style). The clothes themselves were okay–the models that were on the platform donned some cool pieces. The shoes were what everyone was truly interested in. He said that he’s going to make more this season and sell them for cheaper. I love how Kanye hired regular people with different body shapes and sizes. By having a fashion show at Madison Square Garden he is literally revolutionizing the fashion industry. Fashion doesn’t have to be this exclusive thing anymore. (Though he is capitalizing on it handsomely). Setting up a fashion show you can attend by buying a ticket is such an American, capitalist thing to do and I completely support it. Kanye was playing his tracks and the whole venue was dancing along including the Kardashians and all of Kanye’s friends that were near him. He even tried to hand one of his friends the aux cord but Soundcloud wasn’t working. It literally became a big party (with a ton of security and boundaries). Upon leaving, we decided to pick up some merchandise and saw people buying 20-30 shirts each to resell which was super frustrating. The line took two hours to get through and by the time we were at the front, only XXL shirts and sweatshirts were left. Naturally, I bought one anyway because YAY YEEZY.
(The Kardashian/Jenner clan)